The 3rd gender (aka expat women)

As an expat female, especially in countries where women have a defined position in society, it is an interesting experience navigating social customs. Actually, I don't think they know what to do with me, which is probably for the best. And so, I float between two worlds with societal etiquette as only a guideline. True, in AFG, outside a building, I wear a headscarf, and keep myself dressed modestly - long tops, high necklines and long sleeves (no sun-related aging here). But I work, travel and eat with the men. I use their restroom, sit at their table, and attend their meetings. Granted, I also have rules about where I can sit in the car (more than one man? Sit in the front seat. One man? I sit in the back). And when greeting a man, I take his lead on whether to shake hands.

When I was last in Faizabad, one of the national staff invited us to his house for dinner. Again, per usual, I was the only woman present. At the end of dinner, our host brought in a gift from his wife for me - a very bright shawl. And then he asked me to step out of the room so I could meet her. Once the dining room door closed, he motioned her upstairs. She was very friendly and asked me to come visit her sometime because she is home alone. And then she hurried downstairs, the door was reopened, and I joined the men again. It was decidedly surreal and a stark reminder of the different worlds inhabited by AFG men and women. And a reminder of how I am able to pass between the two.